* 30032007 *

suddenly feel like doin s0me k-ing.
anybody wanna sing?

well, that must be then followed by food and movie!
muuaahahahah!!
i need some real life man!
don't know why i am getting rather sick with work,
and the fact that feis is being bullied at work and her stress is indeed showing some influential tricks!

it's not that i don't like my company.
that's for sure, i love HOYA to this point. :)
and i am eyeing a promotion in July.
but for that, i m keeping my fingers crossed.
if it comes, it shall be an additional 2007 bonus.
if it doesn't, then be glad that i already had him as a bonus for 2007.
BE POSITIVE is the word :)
(tht's for u, feis.)

month-end closing + financial audit 06/07 + year end stock-take is all happening TODAY!
busy busy busy!
but..
fulfilling fulfilling fulfilling! :P

going out later in the afternoon to meet some vendors, will take that 2 hours to roam around.. muuaahhhaahah!
but only 2hours though..

awww! feel like taking a break from everything,
getting really bored nowadays.
Japan? Taipei? Australia?

holidaying is what i should be doing
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 12:40 PM

* 28032007 *

paranoid.
ytd i picked him from his dinner with his department at 同乐..
then i thot he was tired so i wanted to drive him home.
but he wanted pool, so we went Bukit timah for it.
went home at 1am.
i tell you people..
i'm such a 早起的鸟儿 that i cannot get use to slping so late la.
almost went bonkers this morning!
it's giving me the tendecy to apply for half-day leave :x
haha..

btw, i am still available for dinner dates man!
please don't leave me out.
haha.. and let's see..
meeting shan and feis tml night.
then Leo meeting on saturday afternoon.
see! still time for personal and friends.
i am not 重色轻友 ok :)

like i said.
i don't feel like i am attached la.
he's so busy with work (all along, i knew it.)
and there's no rapport as to when we should set aside time for each other and so on.
so, first come first serve.


;) still free for dinners
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 12:45 PM

* 27032007 *

upon the last post, i received 3 well wishes on my mobile.
funny har you pe0ple!

what's so joy0us about me attached?

but u see, we are so-not-like-together that i am not even feelin' the excitment in the office..
but when it's drawing nearer to 530pm, then he will walk over, trying to fish the undone work and thus, gauging my knock-off time..

but afterwork, i can see the difference.
but it's just so 2-faced.
:(



*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 12:57 PM

* Single / Attached *

enough said.
althou i don't really feel it

:)
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 7:55 PM

* no-title *

you have heard of how sweet relationships can be,
how romantic it can become..
but what about the downside?
i am not sure if i am all set to handle them.

quarrels?
damn! i don't quarrel la..
you see, from all my previous tweeny mweeny relationships that hardly lasted as long as i can remember..
we never quarrelled la..

but i sure think that those won't even amount up to RELATIONSHIPs.
coz i am not committed.
and so are they.
or at least, i don't feel involved.
i know how confusing or ironic it may sound to you.
but let me tell you this..
i don't know how to handle a real one.
seriously!

this is giving me cold feets already.

as for him, he's out from a 5 years relationship la.
so i can already imagine the things that he may expect,
the things which caused him memories and grieve.
whereas i am all pure and clean!
hahaha.. only memories of Chris probably remains..
but we weren't even together, so nothin to that again.

and i really must say that i expects alot.
and that is already happening before anything are said.
expectations causes alot of injuries and pain.
when i expect and don't get it, i will question myself and
this is very unhealthy. :(

but how to not expect?
i can't do it.
and i believe i am rather possessive.
i am insecured, over-sensitive and paranoid!
ok, i am dead.


:(
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 12:37 PM

* www.dasmondkoh.com *

荣少又rebuilt 了自己的部落格
勾起了许多回忆
曾经年少轻狂 以为世界会为他一个人停留

但如今 大家也为自己的事业打拼
忙得忙 玩的玩
也似呼没什么时间在为彼此做些什么
但是心里的记忆永留在心
久久不肯离去

谢谢你给过我们的曾经
未来的日子里
要好好的加油
事业 爱情 人生。。

要再联络噢！

********************************************

我昨晚想了又想
始终得不到一个所以然
真的是很想不了了之
明明就是自己先喜欢人家
可是为什么现在却感觉到莫名的恐惧

我到底是怎么了！
昨晚聊了很多。。
彼此真的都很怕会伤害对方
WHAT KIND OF MENTALITY IS THIS?
我们是缩头乌龟！

tortoisessss..
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 12:48 PM

* What if... *

hopes are high.
speculations are too.

but things are not happening..
think again..

do i want it to happen?
what if it really did?

i can say that i wasn't seriously into any relationship for the past years.
and not sure if i am set for one.
chris is passe, so is the rest.
however, this is goin' to be different..
IT'S GOING TO BE A SERIOUS AND SCARY ONE.

i am goin' to see him everyday at work.

i can't explain my fear.
i can't pen down my confusion.
i can't say how i am unsure.

i just do.

things are working out..

but my heart is wondering...
not wandering off.. but "wondering"
我任然在思考
我该不会只是在偶然的时候才发觉自己是多么想要高飞
若一下就的被绑着
思绪会是怎样？

i am really afraid that my life will change.

committment.
what is it?
i never had those.


是烦的？ 是幸福的？
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 12:51 PM

* updates. *

recently, my life revolves around him, and him, and him.
although we are not quite together yet..
but, it wasn't exactly friends, in our heart..
we knew it..

ytd, went movieing with him - 300.
seriously, not a bad show.
but was sad that the king died in the end :(
why must the king die??

yea, we were at vivocity GV, then after the movie, we went for a stroll along the coast.
nice atmosphere..
and we were doing our random talking, then there he also confessed.
i wasn't surprised leh, as in.. i wasn't really excited about it.
oh no, i think i have some problem with myself liao..
he said he liked me in a very comical way.
"是喜欢你的咯。。。"
nearly burst out laughing..

but we sort of said that we will be together, but not now.
shall see...

and as for the rumors and gossips in the air..
we shall not be bothered. :)

hearts are complicating
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 12:49 PM

* 5days4nights of thrill *

okay people!
i am back..
and i received numerous calls and sms t0 check if it was a postive or a negative.

well the answer :
+/-
protons and electrons.
(s0me chemistry lesson.)

The flow..
-Day 1 : night
it was a normal sleeping position, facing the side.
with him at the other end of the king-sized bed..

-Day 2 : night
still a normal side-sleeper position.
him, all covered in blankets.
but nearer to me.

-Day 3 : night
still still still normal sleeping position from 12midnight to 3am.
at around 325am, don't ask me how i know the time, i just do..
some weird touches woke me up..
he hugged me IN MY SLEEP.
pretending to be still asleep.. coz i didn't know how i should react, this continues for the next 5 minutes..
until i couldn't really breath normally, i felt that i was almost suffocating from the heavy heart pounding!
i moved away, and the grap was tightened.
and he said, let me hug for awhile please.
-_-"

for the rest of the story.
i decided not to publicise it.
they are my privacy. :)
but i touch my heart and say,
i am still a GIRL.
not yet a woman :P


他说过些日子再说吧
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 12:42 PM

* *

THIS POST WAS WRITTEN 3 DAYS B4 I FLY.
****************************************************************
Flying with him in another couple of days..
To be exact, 3 days..

Seriously don’t know what to expect and, of course..
What not to expect.

Things never ever turned out the way I wanted, since young..
I felt that my life isn’t the way I wanted it to be.
But it never got too badly out of hand either.
At least, I completed a whole stretch of education scheme that all kids must go through.
A bit more.

But because I always felt that we have to path our road ourselves,
So whenever I tried to path out mine,
It turned out not.
This gives me lots of disappointment.
And they are not easily handled, sometimes.

But I haven’t given up, so this trip is going to be my final shot.
If I failed to pursue my so-called happiness, for the moment.
Then I am going to let the chance by-pass me.
And to make believe that, probably I am just not destined to have him.
Some lucky female does. But not me.

You all know me, typical Pisces.

I carefully planned out what to say, what not to say.
Although the end results were usually not what I thought would be.
For example, I would plan to say
“I think I kind of liked you”

And the worst thing from him could be
“Uh…ok..”

So, people…tell me..
How should I react to the “Uh..ok” scenario!??
The typical me is going to shoot with a
“Ok your head la!”

But I know, it’s not going to lead me anywhere!
I just can’t help it!!
I just can’t say anything more to a “your head”.

I always says “Your head!”
I don’t know why.
“Your head, Your head..”
That’s me lor!

And now, pretending that he didn’t say
“Uh.. ok”

Instead, it was merely a stare, or an unbelievable look from him.
(Which I think is rarely possible, because probably the whole world already knew that I liked him, and he must have been a retarded idiot if he is still not aware!)

Ahhhhh!!
This is getting on my nerves!
Just by thinking alone is enough to get my all worked-up!
Imagine if I have to face it.

I haven’t really told a person I like him face-to-face.
And I seriously don’t know if I should.
A friendship (a really close one) is at stake.

I can’t help but shivers at the thought of two awkward faces in the morning if we happened to bump into each other in the office!
Which we WILL BUMP INTO!
Not like the office is as big as Vivocity!
(Which I have already bumped into friends there)
That’s why I am still in a dilemma
Still in it.



*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 10:32 AM

* 05032007 *

was working slightly later than usual last night.
and i was feelin rather hungry by 7pm.
he came into my office, and asked me what time am i knocking off..
"730pm ba" i said.

then i texted him around 720pm to ask if he's interested to have dinner tgt.
but he was in a meeting already, so i got no choice but to leave myself..
i was aimlessl msging ppl for dinner..
seems that.. it's always the few..
and him..
suddenly kind of helpless without him le..
coz he will always come with me to wherever i say.

anyway, so sherine didn't pick up her phone.
so i decided to might as well ta-bao longjohn which i was craving for
bring it home, and eat it alone.
then just as i was on the cab, Yanping called and asked me out for dinner!
arrrgh! why didn't she call 5mins earlier?
i am grumbling in the cab..
well then, i told her to ta-bao some food and come eat at my place instead.

Qii called soon after that, and asked me where i was.
when i told him i was alread at JP, on the way home..
he was calm and normal.. (didn't even sound a bit disappointed that i didnt waited)
anyway, ya.. he said he was going home soon, and on his way to ta-bao food for himself too..

and we went separate ways.

when i got home, ate my dinner.
i called him..
and asked if he wants to meet up for drinks instead with me and yp.
he said okay that he will call me later when he's home.

he kept asking if i was about to introduce yp to him.
(i wonder why is that important?)
i merely said..
"me and my girlfriend going for drinks, wanna come?"
then his first though was i was going to introduce.
"is it important? 你很需要吗？" i asked.

later on, he decided that he was tired and lazy to go anywhere.
but i so badly wanted yp to see him, so i said we will ta-bao drinks to his place instead.

for the rest of the story.
look out for yp's tag.
back to work..

depressed liao
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 12:50 PM

* redundant *

no longer valid.
his hp doesnt have anything that i can relate to.

for eg.
there used to be my picture there.
dont ask me why, it is just in the gallery folder.

but i didnt see it there anymore.
he deleted it.

so what does it proves?
useless lo..

to think that i have so much of him in my whole phone.
sms, pictures, calls history..
i can by all means delete them ALL.
at one go..

to hell with myself man!
i still thot they were so priceless!
i kept them as if i couldn't lose it..
now i know i can, and i should.

hate it so much
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 6:51 PM