*__r0xy mEe_
sHiiyUn`
23 yrs 0ld
gRaduated fr0m NgeeAnn Poly
currently with HOYA medical
*wiShiN`weLL
* Levi 593
* t0 be < 45kg~
* ad0ptin` a puppy!!
* estee lauder - pleasure
* a perfect pair 0f shades
* endless travelling with my friends
* drivin` myseLf in my 0wn car!
* new pair 0f col0r lenses
* a super nicey diam0nd necklace that i'll never need an0ther one!
*__backwaRds
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*__bl0ggiEs_
-Lil' jeFFy
-Prawnny Simin
-ZhiWei
-sAmueL
-jeRLyn
-yUeLIng
-yAnfEiz
- zHiLing`
-xIuyI
-lipIng
-mInjIe
-JingQiAn
-hAOyoNg
-kRistie
-zaRa
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
* mentos anyone? *
This might be the 2nd last time I am blogging about him.
The next one, that may be the last is when I am going to say, “we broke up”
Not that I am pessimistic, but we just had ANOTHER discussion again.
You know how things can drag and be separated into many discussions, but the conclusion will at the end still lead back to the first reason that initially ignite the discussion.
*damn, sherine is going to be complaining about having no punctuations in one whole long sentence.*
Well, here’s the whole thing…
I was still doing work at 7pm when he came into my office and showed me this little car modal that one of our colleague gave him.
Then while I am playing with it, he asked, “going home for dinner?”
“Not sure, gotta ask if there’s dinner for me, what you wanna have?” I replied.
Then the normal where to eat, what to have continues……..
We went for dinner.
And there he kept sighing, and I finally felt that I had to do something bout it.
Bcos it’s the kind of instinct that you know he’s trying to hint you about something, but just won’t say it.
So I said, why did you keep sighing since yesterday? You are making me feel very lost, just by sighing, there’s no way I can response to that.
As he drove me back home, he sighed again.
And this time round, I know what was coming next.
“You must be thinking that each time I sigh, part of it must be bcos of us”
I smiled. Indeed, a girl’s six sense never fails.
He is going to tell it all.
“I know you know how I felt” he said.
“I know you know I know how you felt.” I replied.
And we both thought it was funny and fall laughing for the next 10 seconds.
(As below, everything from him.)
Something is missing in our relationship.
But what exactly is missing, I hasn’t figure it out.
Maybe there’s no commitment from me.
I like the way we started off as friends, how we used to have lots of fun together.
I really feel happy being around with you, the feeling is really good.
But when things turn out in the way that we are no longer as simple as being friends, but as each others’ somebody.
The kind of mental change is too rapid for me to take.
Maybe it was me, I didn’t prepare myself enough to take the turn.
I am not prepared to prioritize you on top.
And when there are times when I have to choose between you or work.
I have no problem choosing work before you, and this is where I know problem is coming.
I know it very well that this is not the kind of treatment you should be getting being my girlfriend, but simply turns out that way without me realizing it.
I wasn’t like that in the past, so maybe I thought for a moment if the reason is bcos the love I have for you is not strong enough for me to give up other things for u.
Or to simply put it as, I didn’t love you as much as I should have.
But I know you have been doing what you should as a girlfriend.
Checking things out, asking for my well-being, updates.
Knowing where I am, what I am doing.
These are not hard or even too much to ask for.
But for me telling you that these are too much for me to take, is only telling myself that the problem doesn’t lies with you at all, it’s about me.
Me being the root of all these confrontations.
(And finally I spoke.)
When you said you needed space, I gave you my limits.
I understand your commitment to work, and I haven’t asked bout your commitment to me.
I haven’t once been unreasonable to you with absurd requests and out of the blue PMS. None at all.
Now I am loosening my grip and you claimed that somethings seems to be missing.
I am not seeing you as being full of nonsense and reasonings, but instead I am trying to vision your views.
Sometimes, I really don’t know what to say.
(I looked out of the window, feeling unwanted.)
(To which he said.)
It’s not about how you are tightening or loosening.
The thing is that, if there’s commitment, no matter how hard you are controlling me, I can breathe thru it.
I just didn’t have the urge to msg you first thing in the morning when I wake up, nor to check my hp occasionally to see if there’s msges from you.
And though we were working together, I don’t find myself asking u if you are working later that day or going off on time at 530pm.
These being the basic dating gestures.
Sometimes I just feel that I am being so unfair to you.
You did nothing to deserve this.
And I seemed like dragging you along with time.
I am sure you didn’t want me to tell you only 2 years down the road that actually, we are actually not meant to be.
(He turned to me, and touches my face.)
At this point of time, I truly understand.
I really did.
Because all these while, I feel nothing from him.
No love, no concern, no nothing.
It must be me, deeply being mesmerized.
Losing myself, my rationality.
Was too optimistic bout how things could eventually worked out.
Probably, all these…. Till now had been a wishful part of me.
We both said nothing for the next few seconds, merely taking long deep breathe as if it was a battle closed.
But me, feeling more relieved than ever.
I thought things were coming to an end.
These few weeks, I haven’t really been myself.
It’s time, I rejoice.
Another wishful thought.
He smiled at me and said, “Okay, run along.”
Then I walked away, back home.
-10 minutes later-
“Dear, I am home”
-_-“’
Dear readers, tell me.
What’s the conclusion??
P/s: he bought mentos for me this morning and left it on my table.
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 8:52 AM
This might be the 2nd last time I am blogging about him.
The next one, that may be the last is when I am going to say, “we broke up”
Not that I am pessimistic, but we just had ANOTHER discussion again.
You know how things can drag and be separated into many discussions, but the conclusion will at the end still lead back to the first reason that initially ignite the discussion.
*damn, sherine is going to be complaining about having no punctuations in one whole long sentence.*
Well, here’s the whole thing…
I was still doing work at 7pm when he came into my office and showed me this little car modal that one of our colleague gave him.
Then while I am playing with it, he asked, “going home for dinner?”
“Not sure, gotta ask if there’s dinner for me, what you wanna have?” I replied.
Then the normal where to eat, what to have continues……..
We went for dinner.
And there he kept sighing, and I finally felt that I had to do something bout it.
Bcos it’s the kind of instinct that you know he’s trying to hint you about something, but just won’t say it.
So I said, why did you keep sighing since yesterday? You are making me feel very lost, just by sighing, there’s no way I can response to that.
As he drove me back home, he sighed again.
And this time round, I know what was coming next.
“You must be thinking that each time I sigh, part of it must be bcos of us”
I smiled. Indeed, a girl’s six sense never fails.
He is going to tell it all.
“I know you know how I felt” he said.
“I know you know I know how you felt.” I replied.
And we both thought it was funny and fall laughing for the next 10 seconds.
(As below, everything from him.)
Something is missing in our relationship.
But what exactly is missing, I hasn’t figure it out.
Maybe there’s no commitment from me.
I like the way we started off as friends, how we used to have lots of fun together.
I really feel happy being around with you, the feeling is really good.
But when things turn out in the way that we are no longer as simple as being friends, but as each others’ somebody.
The kind of mental change is too rapid for me to take.
Maybe it was me, I didn’t prepare myself enough to take the turn.
I am not prepared to prioritize you on top.
And when there are times when I have to choose between you or work.
I have no problem choosing work before you, and this is where I know problem is coming.
I know it very well that this is not the kind of treatment you should be getting being my girlfriend, but simply turns out that way without me realizing it.
I wasn’t like that in the past, so maybe I thought for a moment if the reason is bcos the love I have for you is not strong enough for me to give up other things for u.
Or to simply put it as, I didn’t love you as much as I should have.
But I know you have been doing what you should as a girlfriend.
Checking things out, asking for my well-being, updates.
Knowing where I am, what I am doing.
These are not hard or even too much to ask for.
But for me telling you that these are too much for me to take, is only telling myself that the problem doesn’t lies with you at all, it’s about me.
Me being the root of all these confrontations.
(And finally I spoke.)
When you said you needed space, I gave you my limits.
I understand your commitment to work, and I haven’t asked bout your commitment to me.
I haven’t once been unreasonable to you with absurd requests and out of the blue PMS. None at all.
Now I am loosening my grip and you claimed that somethings seems to be missing.
I am not seeing you as being full of nonsense and reasonings, but instead I am trying to vision your views.
Sometimes, I really don’t know what to say.
(I looked out of the window, feeling unwanted.)
(To which he said.)
It’s not about how you are tightening or loosening.
The thing is that, if there’s commitment, no matter how hard you are controlling me, I can breathe thru it.
I just didn’t have the urge to msg you first thing in the morning when I wake up, nor to check my hp occasionally to see if there’s msges from you.
And though we were working together, I don’t find myself asking u if you are working later that day or going off on time at 530pm.
These being the basic dating gestures.
Sometimes I just feel that I am being so unfair to you.
You did nothing to deserve this.
And I seemed like dragging you along with time.
I am sure you didn’t want me to tell you only 2 years down the road that actually, we are actually not meant to be.
(He turned to me, and touches my face.)
At this point of time, I truly understand.
I really did.
Because all these while, I feel nothing from him.
No love, no concern, no nothing.
It must be me, deeply being mesmerized.
Losing myself, my rationality.
Was too optimistic bout how things could eventually worked out.
Probably, all these…. Till now had been a wishful part of me.
We both said nothing for the next few seconds, merely taking long deep breathe as if it was a battle closed.
But me, feeling more relieved than ever.
I thought things were coming to an end.
These few weeks, I haven’t really been myself.
It’s time, I rejoice.
Another wishful thought.
He smiled at me and said, “Okay, run along.”
Then I walked away, back home.
-10 minutes later-
“Dear, I am home”
-_-“’
Dear readers, tell me.
What’s the conclusion??
P/s: he bought mentos for me this morning and left it on my table.
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 8:52 AM
Monday, June 25, 2007
* grumpy-ness! *
We used to sms one another during office hour.
lunch, dinner, teabreaks..
but now, we tried so hard..
well, maybe me only, tried so hard to not msg him during office hour to adhere to his "dating rules" about keeping work to work.
yes, mentally u can keep putting that effort in to remind yourself, however.. msging impromtuly to him is unpredictable.
i just so much wanna get attention from him.
To me, (alright, this is weird coming from me) he's important now. Already.
and i finally ruled down all the possibilities to one major root - we work in the SAME company.
but many might think that, why? what kind of a danger signals can it post if both parties are willing to commit.
well, exactly what i thought initially.
one most powerful ignition that slipped through our minds is the power of words.
gossips spreads like wild fire!
All the more bcos he's one of the highly speculatible person in the company, (just like paris hilton and her imprisonment, highly spectacular)
people almost wanted to know everything about him. although that's not possible, so they keep on asking..
and pests are intolerable! and they breed like mosquitoes la!
to me, i am fine. you know, but i didnt' understand why and how it can be such a nuisance to him.
but time washes the curiosity, we went through.
now, we are facing another even bigger threat.
crossing the line of personal space..
okay, this is not simple.
how is each person's personal space being calculated?
he thinks that i am crossing over his.
whereas i keep feeling that he's not even coming near to mine.
he simply don't give a damn about the "where", "who", "when", no limitations at all. TOTAL FREEDOM!
say if i tell him i am having dinner with "friends" he wont, definately WILL NOT ask who "friends" are...
and he doesn't care if i did not msg him at all the whole day.. and i begin to ask myself, ARE WE DATING?
As for me, using the simple example as above in this scenario.
"Friends" to me is not acceptable.
i need to know the precise details. sorry but true.
"where", "who", "when", i just need to know them.
i belief all girlfriends should know at least where their bfs are, and doing what.
that's the bottomline. Isnt' it?
so at the end of the day, i felt crappy knowing too little.
and he felt crappy being asked too much.
where is the moderation?
im lo0king4ward to genting!
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 2:07 PM
We used to sms one another during office hour.
lunch, dinner, teabreaks..
but now, we tried so hard..
well, maybe me only, tried so hard to not msg him during office hour to adhere to his "dating rules" about keeping work to work.
yes, mentally u can keep putting that effort in to remind yourself, however.. msging impromtuly to him is unpredictable.
i just so much wanna get attention from him.
To me, (alright, this is weird coming from me) he's important now. Already.
and i finally ruled down all the possibilities to one major root - we work in the SAME company.
but many might think that, why? what kind of a danger signals can it post if both parties are willing to commit.
well, exactly what i thought initially.
one most powerful ignition that slipped through our minds is the power of words.
gossips spreads like wild fire!
All the more bcos he's one of the highly speculatible person in the company, (just like paris hilton and her imprisonment, highly spectacular)
people almost wanted to know everything about him. although that's not possible, so they keep on asking..
and pests are intolerable! and they breed like mosquitoes la!
to me, i am fine. you know, but i didnt' understand why and how it can be such a nuisance to him.
but time washes the curiosity, we went through.
now, we are facing another even bigger threat.
crossing the line of personal space..
okay, this is not simple.
how is each person's personal space being calculated?
he thinks that i am crossing over his.
whereas i keep feeling that he's not even coming near to mine.
he simply don't give a damn about the "where", "who", "when", no limitations at all. TOTAL FREEDOM!
say if i tell him i am having dinner with "friends" he wont, definately WILL NOT ask who "friends" are...
and he doesn't care if i did not msg him at all the whole day.. and i begin to ask myself, ARE WE DATING?
As for me, using the simple example as above in this scenario.
"Friends" to me is not acceptable.
i need to know the precise details. sorry but true.
"where", "who", "when", i just need to know them.
i belief all girlfriends should know at least where their bfs are, and doing what.
that's the bottomline. Isnt' it?
so at the end of the day, i felt crappy knowing too little.
and he felt crappy being asked too much.
where is the moderation?
im lo0king4ward to genting!
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 2:07 PM
Saturday, June 23, 2007
* *
singapore is becoming more and more technologious.
okay, tht's my new vocabulary, but u see my point..
im actually at KKH now, and using lappy to blog while i get my treatments!
high-tech isnt it!! w0oho0!!
heehee.. ('v')
sorry for the lack of entries.
i dont even have time to go back to my office to settle some paperwork by month-end.
and i have plans upcoming all the way until july!
god, im beginning to think that 24hours, 7 days a week is not sufficient!
plus plus plus, i am thinking bout traveling again! bad...
no cash, no time but really feel like wanting a travel..
had a bit of tough negotiation with Qi last week.
that was a bit bad, we nearly took a wrong turn, we almost ya.. u see my point.
nothin' interesting to tell u people.
but ya, i went ktv last night..
sang it all out.. but sometimes, i really feel that this kind of emission is only temporary, at the end of the day, you still have to come back... facing the real world..
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 12:49 PM
singapore is becoming more and more technologious.
okay, tht's my new vocabulary, but u see my point..
im actually at KKH now, and using lappy to blog while i get my treatments!
high-tech isnt it!! w0oho0!!
heehee.. ('v')
sorry for the lack of entries.
i dont even have time to go back to my office to settle some paperwork by month-end.
and i have plans upcoming all the way until july!
god, im beginning to think that 24hours, 7 days a week is not sufficient!
plus plus plus, i am thinking bout traveling again! bad...
no cash, no time but really feel like wanting a travel..
had a bit of tough negotiation with Qi last week.
that was a bit bad, we nearly took a wrong turn, we almost ya.. u see my point.
nothin' interesting to tell u people.
but ya, i went ktv last night..
sang it all out.. but sometimes, i really feel that this kind of emission is only temporary, at the end of the day, you still have to come back... facing the real world..
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 12:49 PM
Saturday, June 09, 2007
* saturday morning blues! *
being in the office on a saturday is definately no good feeling, i am all lazy and wriggling..
haha, if you can really picture the real meaning of me wriggling, you must have been a close friend :)
arrgh! ya, as u can imagine, having said that i must be in the office right now this moment.
and the minute i stepped in, i got bombard with lots and lots of questions.
Reason?
because i was away taking negotiation courses for the last 2 days.
well, as the institute for this course-taking programme is at town - Tanglin Shopping Centre.
which is a short 5-mins walk away from central taka, you can imagine how i actually spent my 2 days walking down freely in town!
it's actually what i mentioned in my previous post, carefree... nothing in mind, and i actually spent almost 3hours sitting down in kinokuniya flipping through books and magazines.
this is so breath-taking!
the feeling is GREAT!
haven't had this for quite awhile already..
but the end of this course also kicks me awake from dreamland and back into reality, so that is why,
being absent for 2days in the office means lots of issues to settle and pending matters to be attended to.
better get back to work!
hang around~
090607
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 10:14 AM
being in the office on a saturday is definately no good feeling, i am all lazy and wriggling..
haha, if you can really picture the real meaning of me wriggling, you must have been a close friend :)
arrgh! ya, as u can imagine, having said that i must be in the office right now this moment.
and the minute i stepped in, i got bombard with lots and lots of questions.
Reason?
because i was away taking negotiation courses for the last 2 days.
well, as the institute for this course-taking programme is at town - Tanglin Shopping Centre.
which is a short 5-mins walk away from central taka, you can imagine how i actually spent my 2 days walking down freely in town!
it's actually what i mentioned in my previous post, carefree... nothing in mind, and i actually spent almost 3hours sitting down in kinokuniya flipping through books and magazines.
this is so breath-taking!
the feeling is GREAT!
haven't had this for quite awhile already..
but the end of this course also kicks me awake from dreamland and back into reality, so that is why,
being absent for 2days in the office means lots of issues to settle and pending matters to be attended to.
better get back to work!
hang around~
090607
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 10:14 AM
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
* 050607 *
Blogging became harder lately.
With no internet access at home these few weeks, it’s even harder.
With limited time, all I can do is to blog during lunch, which, one can imagine how little time there is left.
Nevertheless, I came up with an idea : to blog at home and save it in my thumbdrive, then post it the next day during lunch.. brilliant! Isn’t it?
Haha, when did blogging became such a commitment?
Like I have told sherine the other day during one of our regular swimming sessions that I will no longer blog about how contradicting my relationship is going on with him..
Coz that will not be able to solve anything anyway.
Well, other than working and such, life has been mundane..
I need some life man!
And tuitioning is pissing me off…
How should I put it… I don’t like the feeling of tutoring now anymore..
However, I couldn’t bring myself to tell the mum that I want to give up teaching her children. Get what I mean? It’s often harder to say, “NO”..
And work is rather routinized, like, c’mon.. How alive and interesting can it be?
Be at the very least, I am still not sick of it yet, and I am truly glad about it..
I don’t feel like going through all rounds of troublesome and dreadful interviews, crap stuffs with looking for a new job ya..
So seriously, other than working, dating - if i really have to mention that and tuitioning…
I am left with the normal girly shopping and dinner-ing..
Singaporeans life is really crappy!
Omg! I need a break, AGAIN!!!
I’m missing Taipei already… that’s fast, I know.. but still.. already I am missing it..
Life is just so different, so carefree.. and non-restricted..
Probably true Taiwanese wont feel it that way, but it’s the kind of belonging you won’t feel in HongKong or in Thailand..
Visit Taipei, you will see what I mean if you are like me, truly belonging there. (ha!) view my photos archives in December 2005..
Urggh! Btw, speaking of holidaying, I have gotten tickets ytd…
In less than 10-mins considerations, to Krabi in OCTOBER!
I know its really still kinda long, but anticipate still goes on..
All I have to do now is to make my June fun-filled, then July soon follows..
FDA + Vendors auditing is going to keep my August busy, with Stock-taking in September, life is not going to be easy, then here comes October, what I have been yearning for... be positive! It will be here soon, in a blink of the eye.
These weeks passes really quickly coming to think of it…
Haven’t really had any accomplishments for the past months..
Time to goal-set again…
Haven’t got time to people-watch
Haven’t got time to sit down on a Sunday morning at the café.
Haven’t got time to visit the library for a good read.
Haven’t got time to walk down orchard aimlessly
Haven’t got time to laze around the beach, without anything in mind.
Haven’t got time to drive freely along the expressway singing, “It’s a beautiful day!”
Indeed.
But Sundays and Saturdays are too short to pack them all in one!
Speaking of having fun and recent craze,
I am sort of looking into getting a Nintendo DS Lite machine.
Ya, machine.
But it’s going to cost me $300 including (Super Mario, the main reason why I am eyeing on the DS Lite) a game.
What’s more, it comes in PINK! Dammit, simply pretty!
My only worry is I will die away from the short-term desire and dump it somewhere one day. Then there goes my $300..
Although it does sounds silly buying a game-set with the already limited time I have left for myself.
“But I can use it on the plane and when I am waiting or queuing at some place.”
Reasons, reasons and more reasons..
Nvm, wait longer and I might die off with that urge.
Can’t wait for weekends to come!
Looking forward for my appointment at Roots!
After so long, new color! I am coming~
Sorry about the really pointless and meaningless entry, I didn’t mean to bore you guys.
But isn’t that better than the usual boring and saddening dating entries?
Life’s short, Live it.
;)
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 9:33 AM
Blogging became harder lately.
With no internet access at home these few weeks, it’s even harder.
With limited time, all I can do is to blog during lunch, which, one can imagine how little time there is left.
Nevertheless, I came up with an idea : to blog at home and save it in my thumbdrive, then post it the next day during lunch.. brilliant! Isn’t it?
Haha, when did blogging became such a commitment?
Like I have told sherine the other day during one of our regular swimming sessions that I will no longer blog about how contradicting my relationship is going on with him..
Coz that will not be able to solve anything anyway.
Well, other than working and such, life has been mundane..
I need some life man!
And tuitioning is pissing me off…
How should I put it… I don’t like the feeling of tutoring now anymore..
However, I couldn’t bring myself to tell the mum that I want to give up teaching her children. Get what I mean? It’s often harder to say, “NO”..
And work is rather routinized, like, c’mon.. How alive and interesting can it be?
Be at the very least, I am still not sick of it yet, and I am truly glad about it..
I don’t feel like going through all rounds of troublesome and dreadful interviews, crap stuffs with looking for a new job ya..
So seriously, other than working, dating - if i really have to mention that and tuitioning…
I am left with the normal girly shopping and dinner-ing..
Singaporeans life is really crappy!
Omg! I need a break, AGAIN!!!
I’m missing Taipei already… that’s fast, I know.. but still.. already I am missing it..
Life is just so different, so carefree.. and non-restricted..
Probably true Taiwanese wont feel it that way, but it’s the kind of belonging you won’t feel in HongKong or in Thailand..
Visit Taipei, you will see what I mean if you are like me, truly belonging there. (ha!) view my photos archives in December 2005..
Urggh! Btw, speaking of holidaying, I have gotten tickets ytd…
In less than 10-mins considerations, to Krabi in OCTOBER!
I know its really still kinda long, but anticipate still goes on..
All I have to do now is to make my June fun-filled, then July soon follows..
FDA + Vendors auditing is going to keep my August busy, with Stock-taking in September, life is not going to be easy, then here comes October, what I have been yearning for... be positive! It will be here soon, in a blink of the eye.
These weeks passes really quickly coming to think of it…
Haven’t really had any accomplishments for the past months..
Time to goal-set again…
Haven’t got time to people-watch
Haven’t got time to sit down on a Sunday morning at the café.
Haven’t got time to visit the library for a good read.
Haven’t got time to walk down orchard aimlessly
Haven’t got time to laze around the beach, without anything in mind.
Haven’t got time to drive freely along the expressway singing, “It’s a beautiful day!”
Indeed.
But Sundays and Saturdays are too short to pack them all in one!
Speaking of having fun and recent craze,
I am sort of looking into getting a Nintendo DS Lite machine.
Ya, machine.
But it’s going to cost me $300 including (Super Mario, the main reason why I am eyeing on the DS Lite) a game.
What’s more, it comes in PINK! Dammit, simply pretty!
My only worry is I will die away from the short-term desire and dump it somewhere one day. Then there goes my $300..
Although it does sounds silly buying a game-set with the already limited time I have left for myself.
“But I can use it on the plane and when I am waiting or queuing at some place.”
Reasons, reasons and more reasons..
Nvm, wait longer and I might die off with that urge.
Can’t wait for weekends to come!
Looking forward for my appointment at Roots!
After so long, new color! I am coming~
Sorry about the really pointless and meaningless entry, I didn’t mean to bore you guys.
But isn’t that better than the usual boring and saddening dating entries?
Life’s short, Live it.
;)
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 9:33 AM