* mentos anyone? *

This might be the 2nd last time I am blogging about him.
The next one, that may be the last is when I am going to say, “we broke up”
Not that I am pessimistic, but we just had ANOTHER discussion again.
You know how things can drag and be separated into many discussions, but the conclusion will at the end still lead back to the first reason that initially ignite the discussion.
*damn, sherine is going to be complaining about having no punctuations in one whole long sentence.*

Well, here’s the whole thing…

I was still doing work at 7pm when he came into my office and showed me this little car modal that one of our colleague gave him.
Then while I am playing with it, he asked, “going home for dinner?”
“Not sure, gotta ask if there’s dinner for me, what you wanna have?” I replied.

Then the normal where to eat, what to have continues……..

We went for dinner.

And there he kept sighing, and I finally felt that I had to do something bout it.
Bcos it’s the kind of instinct that you know he’s trying to hint you about something, but just won’t say it.
So I said, why did you keep sighing since yesterday? You are making me feel very lost, just by sighing, there’s no way I can response to that.

As he drove me back home, he sighed again.
And this time round, I know what was coming next.

“You must be thinking that each time I sigh, part of it must be bcos of us”

I smiled. Indeed, a girl’s six sense never fails.
He is going to tell it all.

“I know you know how I felt” he said.
“I know you know I know how you felt.” I replied.
And we both thought it was funny and fall laughing for the next 10 seconds.

(As below, everything from him.)

Something is missing in our relationship.
But what exactly is missing, I hasn’t figure it out.
Maybe there’s no commitment from me.
I like the way we started off as friends, how we used to have lots of fun together.
I really feel happy being around with you, the feeling is really good.
But when things turn out in the way that we are no longer as simple as being friends, but as each others’ somebody.
The kind of mental change is too rapid for me to take.
Maybe it was me, I didn’t prepare myself enough to take the turn.
I am not prepared to prioritize you on top.
And when there are times when I have to choose between you or work.
I have no problem choosing work before you, and this is where I know problem is coming.
I know it very well that this is not the kind of treatment you should be getting being my girlfriend, but simply turns out that way without me realizing it.

I wasn’t like that in the past, so maybe I thought for a moment if the reason is bcos the love I have for you is not strong enough for me to give up other things for u.

Or to simply put it as, I didn’t love you as much as I should have.

But I know you have been doing what you should as a girlfriend.
Checking things out, asking for my well-being, updates.
Knowing where I am, what I am doing.
These are not hard or even too much to ask for.
But for me telling you that these are too much for me to take, is only telling myself that the problem doesn’t lies with you at all, it’s about me.
Me being the root of all these confrontations.


(And finally I spoke.)
When you said you needed space, I gave you my limits.
I understand your commitment to work, and I haven’t asked bout your commitment to me.
I haven’t once been unreasonable to you with absurd requests and out of the blue PMS. None at all.

Now I am loosening my grip and you claimed that somethings seems to be missing.
I am not seeing you as being full of nonsense and reasonings, but instead I am trying to vision your views.

Sometimes, I really don’t know what to say.

(I looked out of the window, feeling unwanted.)

(To which he said.)
It’s not about how you are tightening or loosening.
The thing is that, if there’s commitment, no matter how hard you are controlling me, I can breathe thru it.

I just didn’t have the urge to msg you first thing in the morning when I wake up, nor to check my hp occasionally to see if there’s msges from you.
And though we were working together, I don’t find myself asking u if you are working later that day or going off on time at 530pm.
These being the basic dating gestures.

Sometimes I just feel that I am being so unfair to you.
You did nothing to deserve this.
And I seemed like dragging you along with time.
I am sure you didn’t want me to tell you only 2 years down the road that actually, we are actually not meant to be.


(He turned to me, and touches my face.)


At this point of time, I truly understand.
I really did.
Because all these while, I feel nothing from him.
No love, no concern, no nothing.

It must be me, deeply being mesmerized.
Losing myself, my rationality.
Was too optimistic bout how things could eventually worked out.
Probably, all these…. Till now had been a wishful part of me.

We both said nothing for the next few seconds, merely taking long deep breathe as if it was a battle closed.
But me, feeling more relieved than ever.
I thought things were coming to an end.
These few weeks, I haven’t really been myself.
It’s time, I rejoice.

Another wishful thought.

He smiled at me and said, “Okay, run along.”
Then I walked away, back home.

-10 minutes later-

“Dear, I am home”

-_-“’

Dear readers, tell me.
What’s the conclusion??


P/s: he bought mentos for me this morning and left it on my table.
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 8:52 AM