* 25072007 *

当他抱着我，唇靠在耳朵旁问着说，“幸福吗？”
一杀那间我仿佛失去了我自己
只能点头说，“嗯。。”
当时，我还真的没想过原来所谓的幸福那么的短暂
如果能够从来，我一定将时间停留在顿时刻。

如今回头看 仿佛一切化为零
从新开始也已经太迟 当一个人的心都变了 你在想怎样挽回也难
I learnt to pick myself up through the hard way.
学会了如何从失落中走出去 但是回忆依然烙印在心

我不能说我完全把他忘记了
因为始终他曾是我生命的全部。。

**********************************************************************

Recently, we still keep in touch and contact each other once in a while.
I thought it's better this way too, to still carry slight affection but also clearly understands the status and situation.
That's for my stand of course.

But whenever i thought there's no reason for us to be contacting or to ask each other out for certain occasions and circumstances
things will pop-out for itself.
it's just that miraculous. :)

just another day, he called me up to check out work related matters, but the next moment, we swiftly connected it with personal agenda.
then yesterday, we bump into each other at the copier machine, and briefly updated one another with our activities over the wkends.
and decided we should have dinner later that evening.

in another words, i still get information on him on a regular basis.
which u can determine it as good or bad.
well, i thought it can be quite neutral depending on how i am going to take it in.

anyway, picking myself up bit by bit.
thanks to the people around me for keeping me REALLY occupied over the wkends, so that thoughts wont run wild ya~
hey, sherine! big thanks for that....!
i am seeing you so often that the guard practically doesn't need to take down my car plate no. before allowing me into the estate la!!
:)

and of cos thanks to my colleagues, dinner-dates and hitting the gym twice during the wkdays evening..
by the time i am home, all i can think of is SLEEP! haha...

However, i am still anticipating the Krabi trip this October!!
though i am going with him alone, but i am sure we can keep it neutral and it will be tonnes of fun! :P
hee..

As for Shan and Feis.
These 2 busy girls.......
Study and Darren occupies almost 24hours of Shan's time.
And for feis, her world now revolves around Alex....
Even at work, she can see Alex on the computer screen, when she's rushing for reports, she can see Alex's face in the spreadsheet
and SLEEPING! she dreamt of him.. enough said... where got time for the rest of us?!?!?!

hahahah!!!!
this is a pointless entry, but just to update you all on my progress..
and ya, thanks for keeping me occupied!
:)

rAT A too tee..
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 8:49 AM

* The Return. *

Yes, Yes, Yes!
I am blogging…
Don’t msn me everyday and run away,
leaving me only a cold sentence in the window- Go Blog!
Lol.. it’s rather comical that you come think of it.

Well, nothing much to say anyway.
I had enough of my whining about me and him.
So I am back to my old days, carefree but no life.
He gave me life, so without him, night has got no life again.
It’s only work + tuition. (hee!)
And I bet you people has got no intention to listen about boring tuition classes and busy work schedules!

However, I have to say that growing up is really part and parcel.
I’ve learnt and grown at the same time.
(though I seriously hoped that it’s not growing the horizontal way)
Hais! Needa burn cells!!!
Sherine! Burn cells!!!!

Other than boring routinized days 24/7
I do have new commitments  Gyming + Swimming every Sunday.
Hume Avenue @ Sherine’s apartment.
It’s so much fun! I must say, seriously fun!
Though we have been working on it for the last 3-4 months, we haven’t seen much results!!
Haha, must be bcos of the after-workout treats we gave ourselves!
Can’t help laughing at ourselves at the thought of it…
Teppanyaki after gyming, steamboating after swimming…
When is the cells going to leave the body??!
Amusing!

Sorry about the lousy grammar in this entry, I am still in the office right now and I am not suppose to be blogging, of course!
So there, typing away, not editing and no checking.

Bear with it!

Ewww… am trying to work our something to do during the 4days holiday in August,
The national day week… but tickets are steep!
They are becoming more and more pricey as days passes..
What should I do? Where should I go?
Rot in town? People-watch? Wahpiangz….
;(


Burn cells
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 7:51 PM

* eleventh-seven *


i couldn't concentrate.
i so cannot concentrate.
the moment i'm back from genting, or even before so, i realised i'm doomed.
although i very well know that...
No one person's presence is for another soul.
but to me, his presence is essential to me.
yucks! this doesn't sound like me, but that's exactly how i feel this moment.

i am just so dead.
i couldnt even find a word to describe the mental torment i am in now.
no precise vocabulary will fit in the emotion.

waiting.... it's always about waiting..

while you are missing him, you prayed to god in hope that he'll be thinking of you too..
when you are staring at your phone, hoping that he will text you, it's always someone elses phone that rings..
whenever you heard his footsteps coming near, it's usually not you that he's looking for..

But if one day, these happened the other way round, treasure the magical moment.
For that was the moment i had lost.


m in daze
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 1:22 PM

* The End of it *

This post is going to be so not inspiring.

Like I said the in the previous post, the next time I am going to blog about him is when I would say we broke up.
Indeed, what can be more true than female species’ Six sense.

We ended our less than half a year of 2-become-1 journey last night.
It was the shortest ever. I can hardly believe it.
It was just SO SHORT.
We were both astonished.

However, like I texted some of u, I was half relieved, half reluctant.
Afterall, I had sensed it all along, and I knew it in me that this mustn’t be drag anymore. It’s just a matter of time.

The breaking up synopsis was such a drama.
I hated my dramatic life.
I simply wanted it to be simplified.
1 + 1 = 2
Instead of ((1 + 1) +2))( – 1 +2) – 3….
Isn’t it supposed to be just the 2 of us?
Well, forget about working out the equation.

To make it as easily understandable as possible:

• He asked if I were happy.
• I said being happy is about feeling contentment.
• Silence
• I probed and asked about the under lying meaning
• He feels that we might be happier being friends.
• I diverted the topic as I knew emotions are coming
• I texted him at night to continue
• We chatted
• We confessed - the pros and cons.
• Tried to worked confusions out
• Decided to stay as friends for the moment
• Afterall it was a wrong time to start, he concluded.
• I thanked him for the happy moments and memories that we shared
• I cried
• He got affected and remained quiet
• He said he felt terrible too
• However, the best solution for him is to concentrate on priorities which at that point of time, is not me, but work.
• He kept on repeating bout feeling guilty with not being able to give me what a girlfriend should have while we were together.
• I said I will miss the breakfast he used to buy for me
• He said he will still do the same
• I said I will misses his dog
• He said I can pop by anytime I like
Lots more in fact, but recalling them are tortuous.
Spare me.
I have cried all I should have. And this should be enough.

Got his msg in the morning that says,
“From now till ever, there still will be.. Happy moments”

@$&*(&(*&^%#$#@
He has never ever said these really touching words when we were together.
Now that we actually broke up, he finally released the long-forsaken emotions.

I got back to work and we greeted each other with brightful smile as if the previous night was nothing but a dream.
Confusing reaction BUT precision-clear status.
The rapport is there, and will be. Always.

Then he asked me for dinner later in the evening, so we bought dinner back to his place,
sat down and watched Harry Potter.
How else more weird can this go?

But fine, ambiguous all from the start. AGAIN!
No commitment, how nice.
Urrgh!

As time flies by and you grow up, you waited for your own fairy tale to build up. You always thought that the first hands you hold would be the ones that you would hold down the aisle someday, you threw yourself into the relationship, with the promise of love. "Happily ever after doesn't seem so far" you thought.

Soon thereafter, you learnt that forever never lasted as long as it should and that "forever" is just a word meant for fairy tales, a word that would never fulfill its meaning in the real world.

You hate, you resent, you cried. You tried to pick yourself up from the mess and pain.

The next pair of hands that offers itself seems warmer, with every beat of your heart; the warmth filled your entire body. You felt a new breath of life, wilted flowers bloomed, the sky seems bright and you feel your wounds heal. You began to believe again, even more so. This must be it you tell yourself. You indulged, you gave in, and you made sacrifices, until the vicious cycle repeats itself.

After all these time, you began to feel jaded, you don't believe in what you did years ago. You look into the eyes of the young and you envy them for having that hope you had once harbored. You look into your own eyes and you know, the world had made you lost your innocence. Love, will never be as sacred as it is suppose to be.


Sometimes new people walk into your life and quickly fill up the empty void in your heart...

But after a while you learn the difference between holding a hand and falling in love.

You begin to learn that kisses don't always mean something and promises can be broken just as quickly as they are made and sometimes... goodbyes are the true meaning of forever.

P/S: It’s only until u loses it then u started remembering how much u actually wanted it.
Walking behind him, from the back and realized I’ve somehow lost something precious.

P/SS: The last part of the above is re-applied from a friend’s blog. I thought it suits me this time round.


Another new beginning
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 12:38 PM