* 03102007 *

"But i know how i feel about you now."
This is the sentence i heard from a song this morning..
i thought, how true! how reflective!!

It is only when you know its gone, then you realise how you actually felt about it.
Always.

Yesterday, we are casually chatting... and we talked about the minor car accident i was involved in a couple of days ago.
then he scrolled through his mobile trying to show me a particular sms that i sent him which he didn't quite understand.
I shifted closer to him to catch a glimpse, and he made no response to that "peeping"... in which i didn't realise it was rude, or not.

Anyway, that was a very swift and brief continuous action.

Now for the truth:
After scrolling down a couple of messages fast and still no sight of my smses, he squirms a bit and said,
"I think i deleted it."

But at that point of time, i already sank.
Bcos all the messages that he scrolled down appeared to be from the same person.
The person whom i knew he couldn't forget.
Up till now, he's still couldn't get over with it.

This ignited the thought that, all these while... the fact hasn't changed.
i am inferior.

Was this the real reason behind the backfired relationship?

i choose to not be told about the truth, it hurts to know.
I am sure it does.

Why is this so?
What exactly can be done?
How?

I fought hard for an answer to no avail.
"Whatever!" was my last resort.
We shall see when we are back.
But i silently knew the outcome, it couldn't be anymore clearer than this.

3 month without him.
Let's party to death! (*whims*)

...
*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 5:04 PM