* after so long *

now its time, to finally let it go..
cos its SO OVER..


we had such a long talk that i thought was the longest ever since we broke off.

we went through our memories, we talked about our relationship before and after being together.
we smiled with shyness when we think back about our ambiguous and dating memories..

we talked about the emotions that went through us when we were together, we talked about the things that we were concerned about when we were together, we talked about the things that we neglected of each other when we were together..

and i wonder... why we are talking about it only now..
but its good in a sense that afterall, it was being talked about...
i am glad that we are sisters now!
so close... so so close...

to an extend that we opened our heart out to each other's fear and current emotions..

and there are things that i was so touched to know.. especially when it came out from his mouth..
many a times in our relationship, i thought i was always the one giving in, always the one loving him more, and always the one whom suffered the most..
but today, he told me things that i would never expect from him..
Anyone could have done that, but him.
so pleasantly, i was over-the-top surprised. (plus hurt, cos i realised i lost it anyway.)
1. he said that he knew what type of a girlfriend i was going to be -; one that gets jealous over the slightest things - so he turned down all invitations to go clubbing and dinner-ing with colleagues and even mutual girlfriends. (i had to agree cos his time is mostly being with me.)
2. he knew that there are things which i hated so much that he avoided doing them -; which he didn't wanna go more in depth at all.
3. he put me first in his list whenever there's something which he had to consider the consequences. (for this, i am seriously 感动. so much so that i had to look away from him.)
4. he knew what i was thinking most of the time. (for example, instead of the usual me keeping very quiet when serious-ness is in the air, i laughed, from here, he sensed that something's amiss.)
5. (to continue from point4.) but on the other hand he knows me well enough to know that even by telling me all these, he can still be very sure of himself that i will not do anything silly after his "confessions".
6. (to continue again from point4.) he immediately gave me a pat to assure me things are fine.
7. he told me that i am a 会粘人的女朋友。(muuuaahahaha! i am lor, i don't deny)
8. he called us sisters! (我们是姐妹！)

there's a lot more which i can't really recall, cos they are all ours. memories.

i am travelling with him again next year, this time round to Bangkok.
and when i told him that being friends again doesnt mean he can shrink his resposibilities of carrying my luggages, he immediately shot me a glaring eye!
in confusion as if this didn't occur to him at all..

but 我也不是省油的灯.. so i changed topic and told him, "this time round, we will be changing status again when we are there...
back in 2006, we were in bintan as colleagues.
then early 2007, we were in bangkok as "ambiguous going-to-date" couple..
middle of 2007, we were once again in bintan as couples..
in july 2007, we were in genting as "just broken up" couples..
finally in oct 2007, we were in krabi as "confusion state of mind" colleagues..

there, in jan 2008, we will be in bangkok again... now as SISTERS!"

this is hysterical la. both of us..
*huge sigh.*

he was quite amazed at the number of times we went overseas together.
seriously speaking.
i am too.

but not until he shot me with a....
"this is going to be our last trip..."

*blank.*

i don't know what that meant, and i am not interested to know.
lines doesn't have to be drawn so clearly, isn't it?

i knew the reason behind it.
and this reason sucks. for me...
it hurts too.
making me very imbalanced.
he tried to calm me down by giving me alot of assurance..
but that doesnt help at all..


it matters to me.
it still did.

sisters....for now? or forever?

Labels: being here and there.

*** sHiiy Un` QUee niE-joj 0 *** as at 8:18 PM